dasblut311's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fuck it Morning all. Well I know it's kind of late, but I just woke up. I was supposed to be up before eight and well obviously that didn't happen. >.< The reason I was supposed to wake up before eight was because my father was supposed to pick me up at eight. However, (luckily) he knew I wasn't going to get up my lazy ass at eight so he told me to call him before he picked me up, now now he's picking me up at around 11:15. Oi I really need to get better at waking up. I'm so bad that way. Omi-chiri(chan) still hasn't made an entry even after I made the layout for her. . .I had to make that entry for her so that I check that the layout is working. . .T_T. All my hard work (well it really wasn't hard it only took me an hour or less to do. . .unlike mine that took an hour and forty-five minutes) taken for granted. I suppose she's just not like me at all she actually trusts people with her feelings (hence she has a fiance) unlike me. It's not good either that I am so aloof with my feelings and just so damn anti-social with people. I know over the computer I seem like a fairly nice happy person that seems like she's very social but if you met me in person I'm truly not. Ah well. I suppose I'm weird. Funny I trust some people who've I've never seen their face before than people that i've known for years. That's sad. I don't know I guess that the people online that I talk to just are more genuine that the poeple I know. Just in their writing says it, it kind of tells me what king of person they are. Is that strange? (maybe it is. . .and maybe it's unsafe). I really don't see that huge deal about talking to people over the internet it's not like I'm telling thme where I live my phone number and everything. And plus to anyone that I do my mom knows about it. So if I'm ever killed (this is a funny thought) or something my mom knows some suspects. I think that she's just a bit over protective of me (sometimes). For instance I went for a walk this one day and my mother flipped out because she didn't know where I was. Come on this is goddamn Carmel there's nothing to do where would I go where would someone goddamn pick me up. Yea if I was in Seacore (in mahopac) maybe just because some of those people are strange. Or if I was in the hamlet of Brewster (at least they have the boonedog cafe) maybe I'd understand but it's goddamn CARMEL!!!!! Fuck it. People just don't understand me and I really don't want them to figure me out. I truly don't. That would give them more power over me. So I'm just letting them think what they want about me. If they say that I know Brian Warner fine they can say that and think that; believe that. If they say that I'm a druggie (even though I've never even considered trying anything such as cigs, pot anything never tried anything) let them think that I don't care. If they think that i'm a slut (even though I'm a virgin and the most I've done is french with 1 guy and he was my boyfriend- currently my X-. . .::shudders:: and I don't even want to think about that) than let them think that. I'm just totally apathetic about everything in this world. Nothing seems to matter and why should it? It shouldn't because I know the real me and if someone falls for something that they believed then fuck them I don't want them I don't care if they are the hottest person in the world I won't be that person that they wanted (believed) me to be. Because I've never been that person I'm just myself. I'm quiet not because I'm shy because I'm despising everything around me, all the idiocities around me. They make me want to puke. They think all the wrong things, they think everything i'm not. Ah well they will never figure me out. No one will unless they are really close to me and I know that they will never hurt me. But that's not going to happen soon. Perhaps I have a problem maybe I should go to a psychologist. I don't know. I just hate this world right now. every single thing about it. I hate love, hate, depression, happiness everything. Je detest moi †Inka† 10:42 a.m. - 2003-02-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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