dasblut311's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm a fucking asshole Morning. I shouldn't be on the comp this early should I? Oh well I have nothing else to do cause I'm a boring fucking person that no one cares a damn about. (Can't you tell I'm just peachy?). Well what's good is that I might go to a psychologist (that's how bad it's getting). I really don't want to get into what's wrong with me. I'm just a really messed up person I guess. I suppose maybe it will help to tell someone about it, ne? Well when I was little I was a very happy, cheery little girl but then my parents got a divorce and I think that's when my world crumbled. I believe it made something snap inside my mind. Then I was just filled with anger, so much rage. I can't trust anyone. If you think about it I don't really trust anyone (all the people that I 'trust' are really on the borderline). Actualy I lie I can trust Jack with somethings. however I don't want to burden him with my dumb stupid problems. He's happy and I'm happy for him, and I want it to stay like that. ::hugs jack::. So basically i have no one to trust, and it sucks. Furthermore after the divorce I got depressive and really aloof with my feelings. I also really look into things that aren't there I suppose, I think that someone is ignoring me when it could be something totally different. So i've decided that everyone fucking hates me. Also when I am #1 priority in someones life I'm always going to wind up #2 never more. I'm not ever going to be someones #1 priority. Then of course cause of the move I move to this goddamn fucking place that I call Hell (AKA George Fischer Middle School). In my classes I feel like I'm going to die it's so god damn slooooooooowww (I learned 99.9% of what they're teaching me already or have read about it and taught myself). i hate the goddamn school and the people. They seem to be the people that act really sincerely nice to your face but could stab you in the back without another thought. So I asked one of the cheerleaders about that (she's actually nice O.O), and she told me 'how did you know that? O.O'. Bleh I don't want to hang with those kind of people. Nope I don't. I'd rather be by myself forever than stuck in a crowd of these disgusting people. And plus I'm so goddamn competitive and get angry at myself if I can't do something the best. I mean I have so much goddamn free time I should be able to be the best of the best right? ::lol:: I'm such an asshole, and a shitty friend. That's probably why I'm always losing them because I'm such a shitty friend. what makes me such a shitty friend? Well simple I'm too fucking honest with them. I tell everybody what I think. And I suppose I'm too pessimistic and opinionated. There's just so many things wrong with me. Well fuck me and kill me I don't give a fucking damn I hate my goddamn loathely self. I loathe myself Disgust is all I have. . . †Inka† 7:01 a.m. - 2003-02-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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