dasblut311's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- another breakdown Music:||"Gekka no Yasoukyoku"-Malice Mizer Mood:|| Gackty ;p Well anyways I'm back!! And I promise I won't post that cover again. That manga made me very happy though. Sick- perhaps-but it made me happy. ::covers ears:: He's after me. . .no more of this song pleaaaaassssseeeee I don't need the sex sounds in the background!! (Marilyn Manson's version of Madonna's 'Like a Virgin'). ::changes song:: (i've heard it about 20 times today >.< my computer seems to like it). Oh it's this song now. . .(Heroin she said) good song. Though I've heard it about 100000 times today. ::needs to purge self of Wolfsheim. . .too addictive they are just like J-Rock and Cinema Strange ;_;:: Hm. . .Well I visited Tatsumi-chans DJ. . .interesting. I read the survey that I took that she took (<- - -did that make no sense? I thought so). And I read her Muraki entry about 'Sex Bomb'. So i decided to download the song. O.O; I know. . .I know I'm a loser but I never heard that song so I just needed to download it so that I had a clearer picture in my mind. Only 50% of it is complete ;___; ::waits impatiently::. Okay guess what? I'm tired of acting happy. (didn't last long did it?). Right now I can really relate to the lyrics of 'Buried Myself Alive.' Not all of them but just parts of it. I don't know I just feel really sick and down. I'm a pessimistic, opinionated downer. That's me. I'm annoying. No wonder why people don't reply to my e-mails. Because I'm boring and annoying and just should be goddamn shot. C'mon after a while I don't buy that my messages just aren't opening. I can believe that a system won't let you check mail, I can understand if it won't let you compose mail but, I can see how it won't accept mail from a certain e-mail service but I can't see 2 e-mails not accepting it you know? And I don't see how you can reply to everybody but me you know. Whatever. I understand I'm a goddamn asshole SHOOT ME!!!!!!! i'm fucking boring. I'm trying to understand other peoples opinions on me, and I'm starting to understand them. they think I'm arrogant because I'm an intellectual snob and i'm quiet, they think that I don't need anyone because I'm anti-social and quite independent. they think nothings wrong because I don't act like anythings wrong 'cause I don't trust them. And people don't talk to me because I'm annoying, quite boring, lack luster, and a fucking jerk. i just suck, period. The reason why I talk to people over the internet is because that someone somehow caught my interest, seemed like someone that would be nice to talk to and/or I could relate to. and well coicidently we do have something in common we both hate me! Wow. Isn't that great. I hate the human race, especially this one that I'm sitting in, ME. I truly do. And I know no one reads this journal because I'm fucking annoying and why would they care about my damn problems. They wouldn't. I just feel like lashing out. . .but I'm going to try to stay level. I feel like I can't breath but I'm going to try to. I want to die but I'm going to go on living. . .why? to annoy the fuck out of you that's why. No I don't know why. Because i don't want to feel like I haven't made an impression in this world. I want to be remembered for something. I don't want to be forgotten. I want to be someone. I hate being nothing and no one to everyone. I fucking hate it. Damn. No, I don't want to please people I never have. i've never pleased anyone. I'm just a huge failure. What's the point of being smart if you're just going to be hated? Same with being talented why be talented when you fucking suck? I don't know why. Why try to succeed when you know you can't because your a fucking poor low class ass fucking hole! WHY? Someone please answer me this. I really need the answer. I don't need to please myself because I know it's impossible and I don't want to please others's so then why should I do anything. Why don't I just die? Why do I need to be alive? Is my point in this world just to be simply forgotten and hated? I suppose cause that's what it's coming down to and I fucking hate it. Fuck life and fuck me. Just fucking kill me. I hate myself. I feel like I could die and no one would give a damn and I know I'm right. Well if you know the answers to my questions e-mail moi at HassLeibeTod@yahoo.com, not like anyone was reading though. Just wishful thinking here. †Inka† 8:42 p.m. - 2003-02-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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