dasblut311's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- erm strange? Music|| 'Soleil'-Gackt Mood|| relieved I'm so relieved. School has a two hour delay. That means more time for me to play on my computer and wait for e-mail that isn't going to come. ^_^. Isn't that fun? however what's bad about me being home like this is it's allowing me to angst and think about everything that I hate about myself and my life. Not that I don't do that in school, it's just that I do it a lot less. God I hate me. I seriously do.I'm lacking inspiration and time, to write. I hate it. I want the time! I have 2 huge stories in my head, and one more is coming--forming itself in my mind--and I can't write any of them. I just lack the time and motivation. I just feel like such a worthless, pathetic being at this point in my life. I think that the highlight of my day is when talking to Tatsumi-oneechan and reading that one guys diary. When I read his diary it makes me forget my life and try to imagine his. It truly isn't that hard to read about someone’s life and pretend that you're living it. Since this is a gay guy it's really easy for me, simply because I'm surrounded by gay guys (and I love every single one of them BTW), and it's just easier to put yourself in a gay guys position than a straight when you're a straight woman. I mean it's not that his life is bad, it's actually something I'd prefer ::lol::. Why am I talking about reading a diary and making me feel better because it makes me forget about my retarded life, I don't know. You know what people find strange? Well first let me get things set up. You know how most people find it really weird or gross to see 2 men or women kissing? Well my personal opinion is that any PDA is gross but whatever, that's not what I'm getting at. Well most people find it weird or something. Me you see, I'm so used to seeing two guys kissing that seeing a man and a woman kissing is almost alien like to me. No seriously I have grown up seeing two men together and seeing men and women fighting. Then once I hit Middle school that's all that I saw was men kissing (duh cause all my male friends were gay and my female friends I don't know I didn't hang with them that much). So now when I see a male and a female kissing . . . it’s strange to me. I know I've kissed a guy before so I have participated in that strangeness, but it's just so strange to me now. I find it funny, my friends do too. 'Cause well most people are a little weird about homosexual kissing, sex etc, and I on the other hand am weird about heterosexual stuff. I'm not against it, no not at all. C'mon I'm a straight girl myself and one day (hopefully) I'll find a guy (that is not gay- -inside joke). So don't get me wrong I'm not against heterosexuality at all, it's just I'm used to homosexuality all around me. I've read books with heterosexual relationships (though I must admit I didn't enjoy them as much as the books I've read with homosexuality -_-), and liked some of them. Some of them are my favourite books. Just wanted to get that straight, because one thing that I can't stand it when people are all up for yaoi or yuri (gay or lesbian sex kissing stuff) but are like ewww het. WTF? Love is love. Sex . . . well is sex. Oh that brings me to another pet peeve. I can't stand when those extremo religious people give you a lecture about homosexuality and how it isn't meant to be, and that the sex is wrong just because sex was meant for reproduction, not pleasure. WELL! Then why the fuck were condoms and pills invented?!!? WTF. I'm sure that those people have had their fair share of sex with a condom, or sex just for pleasure. Yea that's one of my pet peeves. I just can't stand when people say that. But you know condoms and pills are ok even though it's to prevent people from reproducing. Fuck those people. (I've met my fair share or them and god did I hate them). You see people like to feel good. That's why many use drugs, and alcohol is to feel good. That's why people want someone who finds them attractive, why people go for surgery and buy make-up (so on and so forth). Sex is one way for people to feel good. So duh people are going to do it. But you see not everybody wants a stupid little child (Note: I hate children), so they invent birth control. Furthermore, just because someone is homosexual doesn't mean that they are different from everyone else, they still like to feel good. And damn it they still like sex and they should aloud to have it without people complaining about it. C'mon get real, they aren't asking you to watch them (though that wouldn't be so . . . I’m not going to say it . . . maybe later) or make you join in! (Can't you tell I hate homophobes and people who say retarded/nasty things about homosexuals male and female BTW). It just doesn't involve you so just shut up about it! Furthermore what I notice is when one of my friends needs to say to someone that they are homosexual, because that person is trying to set them up or whatever, they aren't the ones who bring up the sex it's the person who is all weird and disgusted about it who starts to talk about the sex. WTF, WTF, WTF!!!!! If you don't want to know, just don't ask. I mean if I didn't want to know about my friend having sex I just wouldn't bring it up, PERIOD! I just wouldn't because I wouldn't want to know. So then they answer their questions and the person who is asking them is like all ew about it. It's just so ridiculous. God I just don't understand people. You see I'm the kind of person who is for homosexuality and not against heterosexuality, so in short I'm for both. I think that they are both beautiful, yes both are beautiful! Furthermore if you think about it, what's the big fucking difference? Ne? There truly isn't one cept that one is with 2 of the same sex and the other 2 of the opposite sex. Otherwise it's really similar. 'Cause you know some het couples don't want children and probably won't ever have any, and some homosexual couples adopt children (and I'm sorry I think that's a nice thing, cause I feel bad for all those kids). So? There really isn't a big difference cept for the whole gender thing going on. yea I know some of you who read this are going to be saying 'well that's the big deal, that's the fucking big difference.' I'm not saying that it's not a big difference, no not saying that, but I am saying that it's not a big deal and asking why it's such a big deal to everyone?!!? You know what I find is the worst? When straight men get all squeamish just because they know that a homosexual male is in the room. It doesn't matter if those 2 guys were good friends to begin with and were very close before he knew about the others sexual preference, he will stay away from him. Why? 'Cause for some strange reason they are so goddamn full of themselves to think that their friend would hit on them or rape them. WTF! If your friend wanted you that badly don't you think he would have done it already? God and girls have the same problem with men, and if we were to stay away from you, you'd get all mad and shit. God the best that I've heard from a straight guy when I asked him that question was 'Well he might try to make me gay, or turn me gay.' WTF is that? Well if you can be turned gay then I'm sorry you were gay to begin with you just needed someone to pull you out of the closet. Ok enough. I'll stop ranting. I just get really upset when people are so damn ignorant or close minded about homosexuality. If any of my gay friends read this (which is 99% of my male friends) they would probably slap me and say why? Or laugh. Why? Because there was no reason for this . . .cept for that. Which I'm not going to get into . . . or maybe I should because it would explain why I wrote all of this. Ok well here I go. My friend Jack is dating this guy Tom. Tom is very well known around here for sleeping around with men. Most people know who he is and that he's homosexual. Well Jack and Tom where out and this guy (that Tom obviously had slept with but they guy claimed that he wasn't gay or bi) comes up and starts harassing Tom, saying nasty things and calling him names. Though that wasn't the main thing. Yea that was uncalled for but WTF. Tom isn't in the school that all my other friends are in he's in the school district over. Not mine and not theirs the other one. (There are 3 main districts here). Well ok I'm not going to go thought the whole thing. That guy stopped but someone else (not a guy tom has been with) beat tom up with a bunch of his friends. So Tom is in really bad shape right now. (Tom is five foot two and weighs 90 pounds and these guys were purposively huge compared). Furthermore something not too bad but actually something that amused me. Well there are 2 homosexual male couples in my new school in my grade. One is out and been out for a while and the other is deep in the closet. You see the ones that are out really aren't popular or unpopular they are just those really nice people that you want to hang with. While the other couple well . . . the one has a girlfriend who's a cheerleader and very popular and he himself is popular and a football player, now his boyfriend is what most people call a 'grunge' (god I hate labels. I really hate them) you know not like dirty but kind of that Nirvana kind of look to him. He looks like he came out of a grunge band and isn't popular at all. So they are in the closet just waiting to be pulled out. Now I guess that the guys girl friend (we'll just call her Jess, him John and his bf Morgan), Jess was suspecting something. Well John decides that, that's just too dangerous and dumps Morgan. Now Morgan is mad or upset something. This goes on for a while, and Morgan is being very pushy with John to try to get him to take him back. So finally yesterday Morgan pushed John against one of the lockers and kissed him. Thank fucking god. I couldn't take the tension anymore. Now everybody else was like 'OMG ,::gasp::, is that john?, those are 2 guys O.O' All that shiznit. They just found it really strange and some found it gross. I on the other hand was just like eh. It was totally normal to me. Though then I saw this girl Lora and her bf making out and I was like oro? O.O is that a guy and a girl? How strange. Ok this is turning into a very long nonsensical entry. Bye. 8:11 a.m. - 2003-03-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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